I've Changed a Lottle Bit

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim... 

Assalamu'alaikum and Hi...

I recently noticed that I have changed a lottle. Yes I meant little but a lot. Well, attitude-wise insyaaAllah I'm still the same person... 

But in terms of how I manage myself, that has changed. 

Normally, every time I wish to go out, I'll just decide the last minute, or just simply go out whenever I think I should. Now that I have make efforts to plan my day, where to go, when to go, which to go first and should I even go. I have this "tonne" of collection of scarves and shirts hanged, so I'll just grab whatever I THINK suitable and "BEAUTIFUL" and put them on, wallah... I'm ready... Of course la with my aurah properly covered insyaaAllah. 

Well, for some this is just a small matter but for me it is massive. Because consequently, I learn to iron my shirts, my scarves and even my pants! Can you believe that?! Because ironing is never a Yay for me. I usually yell and get mat at my sisters seeing them so carefully ironing their SWEAT PANTS... what?? So far I haven't went so far to even iron sweat pants, but I can't just condemn them anymore since, I'm starting to do what they do... fiuuhhh.... I haven't started to wax my scarf... I don't know... Okay,, mouth zipped! HAHA... 

Well, I think probably because I'm getting a step ahead towards marriage, that I think maybe people will notice me or something. LOL! but this is really funny! 

I realized things when I was getting ready for a so-called date and by that time I had to send my sister off first to her hostel. But then I haven't prayed yet, so I prayed in her room. Before I excused myself, I finish off my hijab and surprisingly, the hijab won't do and I BORROWED my sister's iron to smooth it off. And that was really weird and odd. So my sister wondered what was going on. She asked and I blushed that I had to told her everything. LOL. It was a moment of embarrassment for serious. And it was a moment of realization that I HAVE CHANGED! 

New Car

Assalamu'alaikum and Hi. Kaifahalukum??

Alhamdulillah now my life is more and less about my fiance and my family. Abah is not doing well, still. I just hope he is showered with His blessings and barakah and a lot of patience. Having spine issue isn't something everybody can deal with, with patience. I know too, because I also have spine issues. My fiance classifies it as an uniqueness. Alhamdulillah he gets it well. I would rather tell him earlier than waking up in the morning knowing that he regrets choosing me as his wife for hiding about it. Mine is not painful. Whereas abah's is very painful and since each and every part of our body is attached to our spine, then any part of the body may feel pain.  So far, his thigh and below is in pain and so, he has to consume on pain killer at maximum 4-6 per day. MashaaAllah. Please make something washes away his pain!

Coming back to the subject, alhamdulillah my fiance has bought his own car and I am happy for him. Not to brag about it, but I think it is a great achievement of his, and it should be something I should appreciate. Since I am a student, so he works alone to make money for our marriage. Yes. I'm the dependent kind of girl. Allah blesses him for accepting me the way I am. And so, he has to be very busy and work and work and work... I know I'm a tuyuk... =( Ouh dear... hopefully I can get up on my feet like everybody else. =) 

Meanwhile, I am asking help from a friend to plan the wedding. In the condition of my mom and dad not in their well being, my mom after her TIA attack last year, I know that I cannot make them involved in my wedding plan. Not to purposely exclude them, but I know they couldn't bare the feeling when they get tired. Allah knows.  May Allah ease our ceremony, may it be as simple and convenient it would be. Amiin. 

Engaged 16th March 2014

Alhamdulillah. 

Last couple weeks, I was proposed by a man. After couple arrangements, his dad contacted my dad for a meet and alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah that everything went smooth by March 16th 2014. We are planning for a marriage but after I finish study, InsyaaAllah in a year from now. =) 

Well, it is a pleasure for a lady to be proposed by a man with a very noble way -that our family is aware about our 'friendrelationship'. I know Islam has putforth love after nikah concept, but the situation now is that I am still a student. A lot of my family members agree not to let me marry at my age. I do not have the strength, I do not have the feeling to argue on that, so hopefully my fiance and I can be as patient and wise as possible, taking care of each other from the distance. Or not as we can communicate in so many ways.

Wedding list? I do not have one. My mom and dad taught me and my sisters to be as simple and moderate  as possible in our expenditures, so does our marriage expenditures. My fiance mentioned to pay everything on the ceremony, i don't how how it should be, but if it is true, we'll try to minimize everything. Maybe minimal and convenient. InsyaaAllah. 

Please pray for me and my fiance, insyaaAllah husband to be. May Allah blesses our noble intention. Amiin~ 

Going Home Often

I am a second year student and yet I failed to complete any of the tutorials given by my lecturer. Since my 2nd semester of my 1st year of study, I've been commuting from campus to home almost every week. Every Monday morning, all I will think of is to complete my tutorial questions which are 10 times more difficult than in the lecture, and on Thursday I will start thinking of going home.

Since I am the eldest sister, I have to fetch my little sister from college every Friday since she too commutes home every week. My friends kept asking every week, whether or not I am going home. And I rarely disappoint them because I rarely say no.

So when I say "Yes I'm going home!" what they usually say is "Lucky you!". A fact I've been going through up until today is that I never had the chance to complete my tutorials. Of three days of leisure, I usually spend my time with my family members going somewhere or sleep all day.

So I went to class with my eyes wide open and my empty-sheeted tutorials. Love is in the sheets you see. You know. Avoid wasting paper, save trees.  As if.

But still those who rarely go home also do not manage to finish their tutorials. Maybe they sleep all day too, or take a walk to somewhere. But there of course must be some girls who spend their weekends getting their hands dirty by doing the tutorial questions. Solute babes!

A blog

A blog is to express by writing. I love writing. I like it to write very much. Ever since I was a little girl, I made myself write almost everything I feel and anything that happened to me and my family but not systematically. 

How much I like to write about everything, Allah knows the best. Of all subjects at school I like Maths and English. Of all parts of English, I like composition most! And now I am studying Mathematics for my degree studies and, I write a blog for my addiction to writing almost anything I like. 

Things we are passionate about, sometimes we discover it right away ever since we were born. But sometimes it happened that we discover things when we are about to start life with someone, we may found out any time it is written in the Luh Mahfuz. So be patient, and He will guide us towards the path we should have chosen for a better future.

That Little brother, that husband to be

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم . السلام عليكم ورحمة الله و بركاته

I have this little brother which I loved insyaaAllah because I respect him for the tolerance and loyalty he served for keeping lot's and lots of secrets I had, and for lending me his shoulders whenever I had issues I cannot keep to myself. 

A brother cousin of my age. My mom and his mom, always sees us as enemies. Yes, we fight a lot. but only on our lips, when it comes to serious matter, we deal like adults. InsyaaAllah like a little bother of mine even though I am only two months elder than he is. 

Love, love here means not about those passionate love. Love here, I define as respect. MashaaAllah, he finds me when he's in trouble, so do I do.. He rarely does, not as much as I had. Till one day, something really bad happened to the family. Not only mine, but to him, to the whole family. So he referred to me. Told everything. I'll advice. Ask him to be patient. Cliche. 

This little brother, always, he's the impatient in the family, I mean he explodes easily. Always, the elder brother would show dominance by bullying him. Of course he'll fight for himself. He always had to give in. Always. 

Until that day, that moment when it happened, he became clueless. I became clueless. And all of sudden, the give ins gave in. He no longer gives in. Untill this second, he becomes the cold one. Now, when I tell the problems I had, he now listens, and advises in a cold mode. Which I can't take anymore. Allah knows how shocked I am to accept the new him... 

Maybe, because Allah has given me a man, that I have to be loyal to him. And now, that little brother is to be replaced with the man I have chosen, insyaaAllah to be my husband. Soon, but till I end my studies. There are so many mouths and thoughts to be shared, that I couldn't marry till I end my studies. Alhamdulillah, I was proposed as early as 20 years old. My dad has no opposition on the marriage, but some other people who just loves to give ideas, talks, thinks, for me. 

So another a year and a half it is. insyaaAllah. pray for me please. Hopefully, things get easier, sooner and better. Allah knows, getting to know our future spouse without the nikah is very hard. My baby sister always does remind me, "To even build a house is difficult enough, what more can we say having mosque built. The syaitan will do what ever it is to not let it built. Once the akad of Ijab and Qabul is said, they'll cry to the death".. Thank you sister. She always has been the 'elder sister' of mine, advising the relevant. 

Allahuakbar. Thank you for all the blessings on the Earth which made me a better human being... a better 'aabid of Yours. 

At Last

Bismillah,, 

Assalamu'alaikum wbt,,

Alhamdulillah. It's a blessing from above, that I finally met her in a noble, precious way in a noble and precious place, at the mosque, house of Allah. I didn't really realize next to whom I was praying to. I had lectures in the evening. So as soon as I finish class and as I reached Biological Sciences School, I heard people calling for Iqamah. Since I'm a lazy person, I thought maybe praying at the mosque may ease what ever I wanted to do afterwards, eat, rest or something (I write this entry instead). So I rushed there. 

I reached the saff and they were doing the Tahiyyat already. So I sat and prayed. I put my hand up, prayed like we all usually do after solah. I saw the ukhti beside me, too had just finished her prayers. So I shooked her hands, placed my forehead onto her hands, and lifted my head up. Mashaa Allah. Speechless. I've been noticing this ukhti for so long because her personality pretty much resembles my late aunt. I don't know, I kept being emotional every time I remembered arwah Udak. And my reflect action was saying "Kak ros.." and I smiled. 

She was kind of shocked. Speechless. Obviously she didn't know me. "Intan.. Junior akak.. pure maths.." That was the first time talking to her. I saw her face. Her skin was fair, flawless. Cantik sangat. The way she ties her scarf, round onto her face, her gums and her teeth went along when she smiles, her height, she is almost as tall as arwah Udak,Subhanallah... Allah knows the best what I felt at that moment. It was as if I was talking to arwah Udak. I know I'm just exaggerating but who won't be if they see somebody they've been missing in some random people. 

And she asked "Tak pernah nampak pun sebelum ni?".. I'm so used to that question. Ever since I joined Maths school, I never ever even had the desire to join Maths Society. I think because I keep on commuting home to campus every week. So I told her I have never joined Maths Soc. So I permitted myself. And she asked me my name again. 

I went back home like a crazy lady, smiling to myself and cried gently at once. I was so happy I met kak Ros. We are both taking the same course but since she is a senior, she sits together with her friends. I mean we rarely meet in class. I usually saw her at courses and any Helwi lectures, she will definitely be there. Even if she doesn't look like arwah Udak, and if I were to have an elder brother, I would certainly introduce her to him. She is a Sabahan, but she speaks Penang. Even I who stay in Penang rarely speak Penang. -_- 

All in all. I want to meet her again. 

The end. Allah Ma'akum.