Discouraged

Assalamualaikum. 

Last month I had myself sit for my final examination for my 2nd semester of my first year of studies in college. Alhamdulillah I had moderate marks for carry marks. Neither too high nor too low. =) Happy with that. Done. But then, to check my provisional results, I had some slights which affects my gpa for sure. LOL. To make such mistake in my favorite subject ever since, wasn't really easy to digest. So I took some time to digest, and my parent called to check with the school whether or not the result is right because I had my self pretty clear with the exam in one of the subjects. I had three bad results and all involving my core subjects. So, the school party claimed I failed to an F for the particular subject for exam. That was why I failed regardless of the fact that I had B+ for the carrying marks. Well. It is kinda weird but says dean,, past is past... so, past it is. I felt very bad, but then I had option to improve that is to repeat my examination, thank God. 

The day of registration, I had myself pretty motivated by the dean, I managed myself pretty well and after that, I stayed at the library of the campus. Well, I had plans on my studies but then it didn't work out pretty well. So I have to change them so that I can celebrate Eid Fitri like always and manage my family with our journey going back to our hometowns. Too bad I don't have time making cookies. Not even meringue. Not even cakes. =( It's okay. InsyaaAllah I have better plans for the next Eid celebration.Somehow, I'm grateful that I failed. Because I never failed in my entire life.  Maybe this would be my stepping stone to keep me moving forward. Allah has arranged everything the best for us. InsyaaAllah. My studies journey, my meet to my future husband, my very own family organisation, He has arranged them all well for me. Alhamdulillah. 

Discouraged. I felt so because of how the motivational environment is so not practiced. It is, but starts from discouraging, then only I get persuaded. Somehow, sometimes, when I get angry, I seem to see nothing but anger which I myself never liked and I never realized since when did this attitude grow in me. Often I hear, in the fasting month of Ramadhan, syaitans are tied and jailed away from human beings. So what is left is Nafs. And Ramadhan is the month which we can know who we really are. However, on this noble month, I see myself so badly negative. Bad mannered. Stone-hearted. Which is not really who I used to be back then. Ya Allah. For who I am today, for why I became so useless today, forgive me. Help me change. Also, I do not deserve a kind-hearted partner yet. I don't deserve Your nikmaat... Ya rabbi give me guidiance and don't You take it away as soon as u guide me to the right path. 

For being discouraged, I know Allah knows what is it in my heart. But still I want to write this so that I remember a mistake I made and to become a lesson to whomever reading. And for being so grumpy, I wish I will recover and become soft-hearted and kind again. And I wish not to become worse. Na'uthubillahi min azzaalik~

Allah ma'a kum. Wallahu Alam.. =) 

Finally. The Jihad.

Assalamualaikum. =) 

I am back like how I was and insyaaAllah I am happy. Not because of the selfishness in me like I always am but Lillaahi taala. Allah knows how I really want myself to worship Him and concentrate. Now alhamdulillah with a little bit of courage, those jihad will finally begin. =) and I thank Allah, and am very grateful for the nikmats I have and the blessings He gave me and for how I live today and for what I hold onto. =) My dear friend, Innallaaha ma'a assobiriin =) That one final day will come and may He cherish us with joy and happiness on the Sirat Mustaqim. To Jannah. =) And now, Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim, a new chapter in life =) Thank you for understanding. ;) Pumpkins and sloths and aliens and weirdos and minions, don't let urselves down yea! =) keep calm and remember what Allah says,, Kun fayakun.. =) 

A picture I like so much even at my first sight. Because I like it man in that particular jubah and women in that particular abaya. makes perfect couple. ;) and forsure for being such brave ones and generous to donate. =) how shame that I have my BMI too low for one. =)  

My Reaction??

Assalamualaikum and Hi.

I've been pretty busy here eventhough it is semester break? with what? adalah ;) Well. Somehow in this busy fussy moment, daily situation is something we really never miss. I mean problems. What a way of explaining. I meant problems all! And how do I categorize things as problems?

 First, the major problem, is when it comes to men. Yeah, I know how important a Hablum min an-nas is but to create one, Mashaa Allah. Can men just not understand a woman's gestures or signs that when we do not respond, it means go away but if we respond and be nice, then only it means stay and stay means STAY. =) Haha. Well. Do I have that 'please stay' guy? maybe =) Whatever it is, I know Allah has everything jot in the Luh Mahfuz, and my mom and dad will decide what is best so CALM DOWN AND ENJOY YOUR BACHELOR-SHIP! Well well well.. Look what I'm up to! ;) Hahaha. When men just requests for relationships, us women have to do a lot of thinking, especially about how our future will be, how would it be? But I admit, sometimes even if we know how the future would end, we can make pretty crazy decisions after all.... =) Wallahu'alam... =) There was one situation when somebody wants me to be his mahram for hajj or umrah (indirectly wants me to marry him). The offer is so tempting, but hey, I cannot just agree because of Mecca. Yeah I love Mecca, I love Madina. Maybe those are my some of my weak points but I felt something not right. And I took some time to think and at last I insist. =) Why? sebab cinta hatiku? Gahaha. Hilarious. Because I just never liked direct approach. I guess that's the answer. For sure not the only answer. He has the look, the harta, the pengetahuan and the akhlak. But I'm not really into him. and, I am just 20.... not even twenty... This coming October insyaaAllah... Whatever u are thinking, and whatever u've thought, girls, it is all written already so be cool =) 

Okay, second of all, when I behave as if I'm gonna die in a minute and it's okay if it is towards Hablum min Allah, but this is in the contact of lagha.. ='( I spend much time on Facebook compared to Quran and knowledge. Ouh dear how do I slow this down. I made Facebook my 'please stay' thing. =) Since when did this last? Since I had Facebook. Since 2011 I think. =) Alhamdulillah I had no Facebook accounts during highschool. To observe how the kids younger than me behave on Facebook, I feel so thankful and grateful that I had no social media attachment at all. =) But hey, Facebook is not harm as whole. =) But Quran is much better, I mean it has many good as compared to Facebook. So why Ignore? =) Anyways it's the 13th of ramadhan and I'm on the 15th or 16th Juz. Alhamdulillah. Regardless of my busyness, and my sleepyheadiness, my driving 'career', my housewife activities and ramadhan, my fast... =) ouh, and not to mention my so-called blogging. =) So, i think the conclusion is I manage time very badly and I couldn't manage without assistance. =) 

Also, how I find something a problem is when I have something I refuse to do but forced to. For example to study when I'm not in the mood to. =) Haha, but hey, will exams wait u? no right? So that was what happened last semester. =) Consequently, I had my grades so very thumbs down.. Then only I thought of shouldnt have been doing this and that but what is the point anymore. So head up, chin up, walk down the isle... eh2?? I mean move on... ;P haha... somehow, we have to look back into history so that we can reward ourselves some lessons... =) Other than studies, maybe to study?? as well... haha... I have problems with my studies lately. People call this culture shock. Vecause when u are at home u have your mom telling you to study but when u are at ur campus nobody can say anything about what you do. =/ Silly me.But, somehow I enjoy taking language classes. And those are how the grades help my CGPA =o Silly me again... Ouh, and my teachers. I refuse to learn when I find my teachers offensive, too strict and not strict at all are problems to me. =) Well2.. I should have behaved I know... I know I won't ever get the teacher I want her attitude to be like, so then I have to adapt with the surroundings and the situation =) Chill ! 

This is not the last but lastly, =) a problem to me is when I become speechless  and moveless and 'iced' (lol) to see sick people. Like how I am regretting and missing right now, on how I became speechless and moveless when I saw my late aunt fighting with cancer. Deep in my heart, I would really love to comfort her, tell her stories, encourage her, but then those are all regrets. =') I know. Arwah udak was a very kind person. And till now, the way she speaks just echos in my ears... They just hit my eardrums when I remember her. Seeing her children, alhamdulillah in great care of their father and insyaaAllah a great wife by his side, being tahfizs and tahfizah, I feel relievied. =) Some people may not agree, but hey, It is not important on how people see us do something. what matters is how Allah sees us. And hey, there nothing on earth which gets full support and is agreed by EVERY ENTIRE PERSON IN THE WORLD. Non, so as long it's according to Allah's syarak, and is not against it, move on. Do what you want.=)

 and ouh, I'm running out of heels picts. I just get lazy downloading any for the moment so I'd like to share and feel and remember how the air in Mecca feels like when we breathe them in =) LOLoves, Mecca... InsyaaAllah I'll be there when I am again, mentally and physically ready. Allahuakbar. Please einvite me there. =) 

Stuck

Even if I am an adult stuck with this child mind, doesn't make me a baby. I'm not a baby. I can tell what to do by myself. And I can differentiate what I did was wrong or not. And I am aware of what I did. =) I just need understanding souls.

My way of living

Assalamualaikum..

How I see my way of living an dother people's way of living is for sure as different as a ball and a box. =) Yeah, sometimes circumstances occur and we hope it never have occured but somehow we have to face reallity. =) How must I face reality? That is to put faith in Allah SWT because I know He knows best for me much than how my parents kows best for me. =) But still, on earth moms and dads offers the best. Everybody's way of living will never be the same even though some they happen to have some things in common like when you both have divorced parents or you both have beauiful and kind mom, something like that. And mine is fixed. Ever since  I was small. Ever since I was in primary, or secondary and now I'm in college. In terms of what? I guess it is better understood monitored. Monitored how? LOL you'll never understand even if I write it in 1000 pages sheet. Allah knows most how I feel. At some point I feel thankful but at some point I feel angry. He knows. And all along the way to anywhere I go, the ayat "Innallaha ma'a assaabiriin" will always haunt me. I mean, like before when I feel bored I'll just sing some song but now those songs are the ayat from the Holy Quran. See? He wants me to remember He is with me. and those ayat are spontaneously 'sang'.. =) Alhamdulillah I am thankful somehow.

Emotional Breakdown? How to manage?

Bismillahi arrahmaan arrahiim~ 

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuh~

Every single human beings are created with feelings and for sure they'll feel the ups and downs so many times. In order to feel the ups, they'll have to go through downs and in order to feel the downs, theyll have to experience the ups. Huhuhu~ so complicated like tape worms *haha* So lately I have been going through a lot of emotional breakdowns and why is it so? I think because I pray less to Allah. I'm being 'far away' from Him. Mashaa Allah~ 

How do people manage emotional breakdowns?? Ouh yeah,, off course the first thing to do is to turn yourselves  to Allah, our Creator! He knows us in and out. He'll always be with us even though when we forgets Him. =) So what we can do is to complete our ablution, and kneel down to Him. Say what our heart feels and insyaaAllah he will guide us to the best way sooner or later. We never know. 

Turn to Allah is sure. Then? what can we do? If I am to face the situation to feel bad and emotional, Ill just take the longest hour *actually it wont take more than half an hour* to breathe in water. you name it. whether be it is in the shower, waterfalls, sea side, what matters is I have to breathe and I have to be in the water... Okay, the common one is to breathe in the shower. Sea? haha~ Itt's like impossible to breathe in it~ the waves keep on hitting your head. Okay, so the result is the peace you listen and hear in the water =) I know, I dont understand myself either. =) 

Okay next, my way is to eat~ people thinks chocolate provides calmness. =) me? as long as you call it food, and surely it is halal, insyaaAllah that would be my food. Unless if i'm hungry,, I'll just have no feeling to eat even if it is my favorite food. pelik-pelik. Well, some people prefer to keep themselves busy so that they think less about the problems they face. As for me, yes it may help but then, I dont like it so. I'll just make things worst and affect my reputation. =/ 

Last but not least! I sleep. sometimes if I am not sleepy, I'll just put on Minyak Cap Kapak or the hot and spicy *haha* koyok on my head, on my shoulders *because cannot sleep=headache=muscle retarding=feels horrible* and close the lights and windows and curtains and blinds, and sleep under the pillow. If only that works. I'll only have myself rested, not my brain. =( pity me.... but then, if I'm not having problem with my sleep, I can simply wash away what's troubling me from my head waking up remembering nothing =) masyta! 

I'm sorry!

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ... السلام عليكم ~

       I've been wondering myself why did I choose the topic as the topic and why must I write this post =/ Somehow I have this very strong feeling which I fear will happen and wash away the trust I put on this particular thing. =') Yeah, some says smile and give it all to Allah. This is what I am doing, but still I need to put some effort so that I can at least tawakkal for the efforts I put up. Sounds suspending right. Yeah I think so too. Okay. So why am I sorry? Because I think that the 'efforts' I did  reflects like no trust on that thing. =( So biane since I'm not trusting you =( It is not I am not but I am afraid that is all... =)