That Little brother, that husband to be

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم . السلام عليكم ورحمة الله و بركاته

I have this little brother which I loved insyaaAllah because I respect him for the tolerance and loyalty he served for keeping lot's and lots of secrets I had, and for lending me his shoulders whenever I had issues I cannot keep to myself. 

A brother cousin of my age. My mom and his mom, always sees us as enemies. Yes, we fight a lot. but only on our lips, when it comes to serious matter, we deal like adults. InsyaaAllah like a little bother of mine even though I am only two months elder than he is. 

Love, love here means not about those passionate love. Love here, I define as respect. MashaaAllah, he finds me when he's in trouble, so do I do.. He rarely does, not as much as I had. Till one day, something really bad happened to the family. Not only mine, but to him, to the whole family. So he referred to me. Told everything. I'll advice. Ask him to be patient. Cliche. 

This little brother, always, he's the impatient in the family, I mean he explodes easily. Always, the elder brother would show dominance by bullying him. Of course he'll fight for himself. He always had to give in. Always. 

Until that day, that moment when it happened, he became clueless. I became clueless. And all of sudden, the give ins gave in. He no longer gives in. Untill this second, he becomes the cold one. Now, when I tell the problems I had, he now listens, and advises in a cold mode. Which I can't take anymore. Allah knows how shocked I am to accept the new him... 

Maybe, because Allah has given me a man, that I have to be loyal to him. And now, that little brother is to be replaced with the man I have chosen, insyaaAllah to be my husband. Soon, but till I end my studies. There are so many mouths and thoughts to be shared, that I couldn't marry till I end my studies. Alhamdulillah, I was proposed as early as 20 years old. My dad has no opposition on the marriage, but some other people who just loves to give ideas, talks, thinks, for me. 

So another a year and a half it is. insyaaAllah. pray for me please. Hopefully, things get easier, sooner and better. Allah knows, getting to know our future spouse without the nikah is very hard. My baby sister always does remind me, "To even build a house is difficult enough, what more can we say having mosque built. The syaitan will do what ever it is to not let it built. Once the akad of Ijab and Qabul is said, they'll cry to the death".. Thank you sister. She always has been the 'elder sister' of mine, advising the relevant. 

Allahuakbar. Thank you for all the blessings on the Earth which made me a better human being... a better 'aabid of Yours. 

At Last

Bismillah,, 

Assalamu'alaikum wbt,,

Alhamdulillah. It's a blessing from above, that I finally met her in a noble, precious way in a noble and precious place, at the mosque, house of Allah. I didn't really realize next to whom I was praying to. I had lectures in the evening. So as soon as I finish class and as I reached Biological Sciences School, I heard people calling for Iqamah. Since I'm a lazy person, I thought maybe praying at the mosque may ease what ever I wanted to do afterwards, eat, rest or something (I write this entry instead). So I rushed there. 

I reached the saff and they were doing the Tahiyyat already. So I sat and prayed. I put my hand up, prayed like we all usually do after solah. I saw the ukhti beside me, too had just finished her prayers. So I shooked her hands, placed my forehead onto her hands, and lifted my head up. Mashaa Allah. Speechless. I've been noticing this ukhti for so long because her personality pretty much resembles my late aunt. I don't know, I kept being emotional every time I remembered arwah Udak. And my reflect action was saying "Kak ros.." and I smiled. 

She was kind of shocked. Speechless. Obviously she didn't know me. "Intan.. Junior akak.. pure maths.." That was the first time talking to her. I saw her face. Her skin was fair, flawless. Cantik sangat. The way she ties her scarf, round onto her face, her gums and her teeth went along when she smiles, her height, she is almost as tall as arwah Udak,Subhanallah... Allah knows the best what I felt at that moment. It was as if I was talking to arwah Udak. I know I'm just exaggerating but who won't be if they see somebody they've been missing in some random people. 

And she asked "Tak pernah nampak pun sebelum ni?".. I'm so used to that question. Ever since I joined Maths school, I never ever even had the desire to join Maths Society. I think because I keep on commuting home to campus every week. So I told her I have never joined Maths Soc. So I permitted myself. And she asked me my name again. 

I went back home like a crazy lady, smiling to myself and cried gently at once. I was so happy I met kak Ros. We are both taking the same course but since she is a senior, she sits together with her friends. I mean we rarely meet in class. I usually saw her at courses and any Helwi lectures, she will definitely be there. Even if she doesn't look like arwah Udak, and if I were to have an elder brother, I would certainly introduce her to him. She is a Sabahan, but she speaks Penang. Even I who stay in Penang rarely speak Penang. -_- 

All in all. I want to meet her again. 

The end. Allah Ma'akum. 

What the future holds

Bismlillahi awallu wa aakhiru.. 

Assalamu'alaikum... 

Regarding the title, I purposely made it so because I miss my minor course friend,, Ong Lii Jing. It's her whatsapp status... ^^ She has completed her studies and is graduating in a few months. We came from different races, backgrounds and hometowns but we do things together regarding our minor course. She studied journalism and I am studying maths but we somehow are connected by certain senses. Of what? that I'm not sure. 

Yet, Lii Jing isn't my main point here. I think I have posted much fewer than always. I had time but I had no ideas. I had ideas but as the ideas flows through my vein, it got stuck halfway and I had to erase everything upon disappointment -_- hopefully not this time ^^

Speaking of jobs and relationship. I currently am thinking of something good, and praise be to Allah that I doubt nothing about what I decided. In fact, I put up effort on beneficial and non-beneficial knowledge for what my future needs. But well, still, I think what I have is insufficient for what I need later. 

Like how Lii Jing did. she completed her studies. Surely she'll get relieved for having one phase of her life ended. I mean in an official kind of way. And still, non-officially, she still has a lot to do to improve, get her hands dirty and do many things to serve for the society. I believe she will because she is very good at writing. While I, at this point, still when people asks what will I do or what my seniors usually do after graduating. A dishonest answer, better said, a lazy answer (I rarely use my brain to answer these kind of questions) is teaching or further studies. Well. When it comes to my sense, I can be anything I want and do whatever I want to. As long as I have hearts in it. Or maybe not. My dad and mom like to mention about non-government sections. But well, I surely know what suits myself..

Relationships are hard to tell. We sometimes plan things this way, but it happens that way. Of what is certain everything is written and time will tell what and when will it happen. If Allah wills, I too, know how must I handle things. I know how serious it is and things would be getting involved into relationships and the responsibilities I will have to adapt with and surely, I am aware of that. I somehow am very thankful having such understanding family members for entirely accepting  my behavior and nature. 

Sometimes people compare myself to the people around me. Especially of those who 'crawls', 'walks' and 'accelerates' on the same path as I am. To me it is no good. Since I was a little girl, I had this 'believe' that nobody wood be the best. Even if someone is to be scaled the best, smartest, tallest, prettiest, whatever it is, there must be someone, whether in the past or in the future to be much better, taller prettier or whatever-er than they are. Scaling, at school or in studies may help encourage or higher one's self esteem, but that is on one side. We have to remember that there is another side where people become disappointed and discouraged for offending of what 'the bests' are achieving. I just hold onto that and I still believe it is so. 

The end, Allah ma'akum;)

I wish to not like any high heels. I wish things are better than it is now. <3 

That Soul We Have Been Missing

Bismillah... 

It is nearly 5 years since my aunt passed away. And still everybody misses her. It feels like she's still smiling, never get bored of giving us that generous smile. Nagging about her children in a beautiful way. 

And today, her children are becoming Hafiiz and Hafizah.I solute her husband. In this decade, everybody sends their children to national schools. But he sends my late aunts children to madrasah, where religion is the main syllabus of the education there. Alhamdulillah. Those babies are educated with Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h)'s teaching. Allahu, it is a blessing to my late aunt. Indeed, to Jannah she belongs. =) 

Her late husband has remarried. Well, I was angry at first. But I understand someone has to help him take care of my aunt's children. They deserve the love of a mother. Her children was 3,7,8,9 years old when she passed away. And forever, they became babies to each and every one of us in the family. Everybody took care of them for her. 

I somehow am grateful that this is what is written for my late aunt and I believe the Qada and Qadr. I believe that ever soul will leave their body and be relive on resurrection day for judgement.  

No word can express the emptiness..anak2 dan cucu2 mak duak yan,, everybody misses her.. Allah knows. 

Allah ma'akum.

I notice

Bismillahi awalu wa akhir~ 

Assalamu'alaikum w.b.t... 

Couple weeks ago I heard these old people sharing stories about how some women dress. MashaaAllah I was shocked at first, sad at second and overwhelmed at last. It was about some women wearing those burqa, the piece of cloth some women wear to cover half of their face, on their faces. =) There are so many opinions by so many scholars about this whole burqa thing. I don't know which is true and which to be hold onto, I do not practice it yet I am not against what those noble muslimaat are doing. Some women, not only they dislike the fact that those women burqa are wearing striving the hardest to become good 'abiids, they do also spread unnecessary things about them. 

The women I heard, they were saying about how the women eats. How it is troubling the women to put the food in their mouth and have themselves full. Some thinks it is troublesome to wear such big, fussy, colorless, and fashionless cloth on their body. My question is why bother? A friend of mine thinks, if a burqa is worn, the attitude should completely change, we have to be as silent as a pin drop, as possible, act mature, be passive, no nothing. So, if lets say I wear that cloth piece, it's as if it is not fun anymore to make jokes and to make friends which is nonsense. These judgement are just falsely thought and manipulated and it should be changed. 

To me, as long as they are not disturbing us as whole, again, why bother? what about the shirtless, clothless, all half naked women, why not do we talk about them instead and why insult the ones with great and noble intentions? The fact that women wearing burqa, the women to even wear as perfect as how the Syari'ah has set (cover the whole body except for the hand palms and face), is a hard thing to accomplish already, do we have any idea what those burqa women are up to? Yes, they are troubling themselves but Lillahi ta'ala... And what about us, how far is our journey to become good 'abiids? 

Well, what I am trying to say is, spread less, especially about the supposely-good things which are wrongly judged. But to spread noble things for all's practice, that is a different story. Think wise. If it is a strory you think is appropriate for 'the moral of the story' kind of thing, spread with necessary notes and advises. =) Hopefully people gets the message...

Allah ma'akum..

How Muslimiin and Muslimaat Behave with their pictures

Bismillahirrahmaanirrahiim, and

Assalamu'alaikum... 

Pictures are a private belongings of ours which we may cherish wonderful moments among our loved ones. Well, I post my pictures too, on Facebook and Instagram, but minimized on Facebook, deleted part of them and planning to delete the current account and create a new one. I do not post pictures of mine on twitter as mine is publicized, foods and cloths and interests would be okay instead. I like it, and I am sure many of us like it to share happiness, joy, whatever it is, together with their friends, and the easiest and fastest may is through the social networks. 

We do not post pictures of ours (Muslimaat) as we are afraid we may bring fitnah to the men and other people, especially ones with pose which are uncomfortably seen, not suitable for non-mahrams' viewpoint. 

But then, what happened to me, was when this one Muslim showed me pictures of a Muslimah, I became emotional. I felt sad. Because the muslimah took care of herself quite well. She dresses well. She behaves. But, unfortunately somebody spreads the picture of her. Maybe the Muslim shares to me as the matter of trust, thank you, but still, IDK why must I feel sad. Maybe because the first thought I had was when people spreads my very own private pictures, even with my Aurah fully covered. And imagine if it is not. Do we call it pity, or is it pathetic? o.O :'( Akhi, if you are reading this and you think you are the one I'm talking about, I'm sorry I'm writing this. But this is for the sake of my akhawat. Allahu. I write this Lillahi Ta'ala. 

So Muslimaat, before the Muslimiin, or even other Muslimaat ourselves spreads off our pictures, do all it takes to put our pictures off the social media, slowly and unnoticed. =) InsyaaAllah. may Allah Bless us all. 

Noemu Yeppu

What is to be Proud of?

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم...
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته...

At my age, alhamdulillah, I am lucky enough to get myself to pursue college like other people. So there are a lot of things to be proud of, to show off in the duration of the studies. Of what you learn, of when you have your days off, of how you strive to get something, of when you graduate from your studies. All those, on the other side of the world, of whom their studies are all delayed or even to completely stop, are aches to them. I assume, especially whom the studies are postponed for certain unwanted reasons.

Recently, because i've been worrying about my career pursue in the future, and because i've been noticing some posts by my friends of my age, who happens not to proceed themselves in studies, about how proud they are with their job. Feeling like left behind is not really the major problem. Maybe a little. But I'm happy when my friends keep on motivating themselves whenever they felt bad about something, and they needed something to cheer up, I feel happy and proud for them, in Malay we say tumpang happy, happy on their behalves.

The fact that  each and every opportunity everybody is trying the very best to grab the best is undeniable by anybody on earth. The fact that each and every trouble everybody is going through is unimaginable by anybody on earth. And the fact that each and every sweat and blood each and everybody wants to redeem with rests are way much precious than everything is totally crazy.

So, whatever you are doing, be clear that there are a lot more out there who wants your place badly, because theirs are worse and suffocating. Be thankful, alhamdulillah for being who you are.

Allah ma'akum. <3

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